


If This Is It

by nothingwithoutyouxo



Series: The Sky Is Falling Down [2]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Post-Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-05 19:10:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5387099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothingwithoutyouxo/pseuds/nothingwithoutyouxo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Apocalypse AU. After the announcement of a possible state of emergency the Gallagher's decide to create an escape plan which turns out to be useful as the end of the world becomes apparent. Ian is distraught after being forced to leave without Mickey and without knowing if he is even alive. All becomes clear when they meet again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Like A Time Bomb Set Into Motion

**Author's Note:**

> I'm baccckkkk. I know I haven't posted anything in like over a year but I promised you guys this long version of The Things We Lost In The Fire so here you go. This is kinda set before the last season destroyed everything, including my soul. I think it's set around season three.
> 
> I did my research, or as much as I could, and found multiple lists of possible end of the world situations. I decided on super volcanoes as my theorized end of the world because to me it seemed the most plausible at the moment. Initially if Yellowstone actually blew they world would probably only have six months and America would be destroyed instantly, theoretically of course, so I tried to keep the timeline within that but make it somehow that America wasn’t destroyed instantly just for the sake of this story. I wrote a lot of this a while ago and it's just been sitting on my laptop begging to be posted so I hope you guys enjoy it.
> 
> The title for each chapter will be lyrics from a song (or possibly the title depending on the song). The first chapter belongs to Time Bomb by All Time Low and the title of the fic is If This Is It by Newtown Falkner. Oh, and this is dedicated to Kerry, of course :)

_“And on to breaking news now. Volcanologists have discovered an increase in activity in the volcano known as Yellowstone Caldera in North-West Wyoming. They have advised that anyone in the area are cautious as this is not a normal occurrence and could be the beginning of a national emergency. We’ll keep you updated on any changes”._

Fiona turned the TV off as her family started bounding into the kitchen. Jimmy entered through the door, holding up a bag of warm donuts and assorted breakfast pastries as her siblings cheered in apparent triumph. She was incredibly grateful for Jimmy, without him the mornings would be increasingly chaotic, like they used to be before he entered her life. She watched as everyone rushed to the table, grabbing some food and chatting with each other. Lip had taken the position of feeding Liam in the morning while trying to feed himself and continue his conversation with Ian, simply just so she wouldn’t have to and it gave her a few extra moments to herself which she was also grateful for. Now all she had to deal with was making sure everyone had lunch and trying to keep Debbie and Carl from fighting too much. There always seemed to be something that they could find and argue about, no matter how small.  Which always ended with Fiona having a headache before the kids even left for school.

“Alright Gallaghers” she called them all to attention, “if you don’t hurry up you’re gonna miss the bus”.

“Can we keep all these for later?” Carl asked around a mouthful of donut.

“Of course” she smiled, handing Debbie her lunch.

Lip clapped Ian on the shoulder as he got up to grab his lunch “I’ve got a Lit test today, gonna ace it”.

“Good luck” Ian laughed, taking his lunch and ushering Debbie and Carl out of the door before following them. “Bye Fiona” he called back to his sister.

“Bye” she smiled after them, collapsing against Jimmy after the door swung shut behind them.

“You okay?” Jimmy pulled against him and kissed the top of her head gently.

“Yeah” she muttered, pushing up on her toes so she could kiss him soundly.

………………………..

Walking into school in the mornings could sometimes be an overwhelming experience. That was the thing about high school, you were just thrown into this environment with a whole bunch of severely different people and expected to simply coexist. Sometimes it wouldn’t even work, well most of the time. And sometimes it was almost like people were just too awake for that time of the morning. Ian and Lip usually met up with Mandy and snuck around the back of one of the school’s buildings to grab a smoke before their first class. They could escape the chaotic atmosphere of school in the morning and share a few quiet moments of their own. Usually the only thing that would interrupt their little haze of cigarette smoke and honest thoughts was the shrill sound of the school bell, indicating another long day that they had to deal with.

“Good luck on that Lit test” Ian told Lip before heading off to his homeroom.

“Thanks man” Lip called after him.

………………………..

Ian was twirling his pen absently between his fingers and trying his best to listen to the lecture that his history teacher was giving the class when he heard the first indication that it might not be just an ordinary day.

“Hey dude” a voice whispered from a few seats behind him. “Did you watch the news this morning?”.

“Who the fuck watches the news in the morning?” another voice answered.

“It’s the end of the world, man. I saw it”.

Ian rolled his eyes at the comment and tried to bring his focus back to their topic but the conversation didn’t seem to stop.

“What do mean the end of the world?” the second voice continued.

“It’s like, I dunno something’s blowing up or something”.

Ian turned around in his seat slightly enough that he could catch Mandy’s eye from her desk, she shrugged absently and rolled her eyes a little, mouthing the word “idiots”. Though he could tell by the look in her eyes that she was just as intrigued as he was. The teacher brought them all to attention again and the whispered conversation stopped, though Ian could hear the aftershock of conversations start all throughout the room as the news started to spread. He wasn’t going to believe in it, he’d need more information before that happened, but he was definitely interested.

………………..

Ian usually snuck off behind the school with Lip for another smoke between fourth and fifth period. Mandy wouldn’t come then, she was usually off talking to another friend or trying to flirt with some guy. It didn’t really matter, Ian didn’t mind just spending the few minutes with Lip. He decided to bring up the current topic that was floating around school.

“So did you hear about the end of the world thing?” Ian asked, cigarette dangling from his fingers.

“Yeah, some kid in my physics class was talking about it” Lip nodded at the memory.

“Pretty weird isn’t it? It’s like 2012 all over again”.

“What’d you hear?”.

“Um … someone was blowing something up or something. The guy didn’t really say much” Ian shrugged.

“Yeah, it’s probably an atomic bomb or something” Lip crushed his cigarette under his foot and reached into his jacket pocket for another.

“Probably” Ian nodded, “you believe it?”.

“Not really” Lip shrugged, flicking his lighter “probably just some bullshit made up by someone”.

“Kid said he saw it on the news this morning”.

“Who the fuck watches the news?” Lip laughed.

Ian smirked at that and nodded absently. Yeah, it was probably nothing.

………………………..

The thing about high school is that word travelled fast. Word travelled quickly and it altered along the way, like playing Chinese whispers with the whole school. It could be something as simple as who was dating who or who got drunk and made a fool of themselves on the weekend or it could be “hey did you hear that the world’s ending?”. It must have just been the way teenagers were, whenever there was some kind of new information they latched on to it and continued to spread it like wildfire. Though, because it altered it sort of became more of a rumor and no one really knew what the truth was by the end. Ian had heard about ten different versions of the rumor that day. He shared some with Lip and Mandy at lunch and they in turn shared what they’d heard. Some of them were incredibly laughable. And as such, because none of them were really believable they’d decided to disregard them completely. The kid probably made it up anyway, probably wanted something to do because he was bored. So they ignored it and went about their day, laughing at all the different theories.

When Lip and Ian returned home that afternoon they discovered that the rumor had been floating around Debbie and Carl’s school as well. That meant that it was more plausible now, and that they had to look into it more. There could actually have been something that sparked the rumor, something that had actually happened.

“Do you really think it’s gonna happen, Ian?” Debbie asked, looking up at her brother.

Ian ruffled her hair gently, “Probably not” he shrugged.

“Just some kids making some shit up” Lip added reassuringly.

“I’m watching the news tonight anyway” Debbie muttered before walking upstairs towards her room.

“I hope it’s zombies” Carl said after a moment.

“Zombies would be the way to go” Lip nodded in agreement.

Ian laughed at his brothers. “What if all technology turned against us or something?”.

“Now, _that’s_ something I could get into” Jimmy smirked at them, having just come in through the door and heard their conversation. “What else could there be?” he added.

The four of them rattled off as many end of the world conspiracies as they could think of before Fiona came home and they disbanded their conversation. Debbie came running down the stairs, embracing her sister and began asking her if she thought the world was going to end.

“Where’d you get that idea, Debs?” she smiled fondly, ruffling her little sister’s hair.

“Maybe we should watch the news and see if they mention it or something” Debbie replied.

Fiona shrugged, “if you want”.

That night they all gathered around the TV just to see if there was any credibility behind the sudden flare of end of the world talk that had begun that day. Jimmy and Carl were passing jokes back and forth with Lip and Ian joining in occasionally until a headline appeared on the screen.

 _“Scientists Fear Worst After Volcanic Activity Increase”_ it read.

“I told you it was really happening” Debbie nudged Lip, who was sitting next to her as the newsreader began to speak.

_“Now to the most important story of the night. Expert volcanologists have discovered that there has been an increase in the volcanic activity surrounding Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming. They have said that this is unusual and are continuing to monitor the increase but assure that it’s probably just a mishap with the technology. Citizens are warned to keep on high alert as this could be a potentially dangerous situation. We will keep you updated as more of this story unfolds”._

“Shit, Debs” Lip muttered, “You were right”.

“We’re all going to die” Carl half-whispered.

“That’s bullshit” Ian laughed, “it’s gonna be fine. Like they said, it’s probably something with the technology”.

“Can never trust the bastards anyway” Fiona agreed.

……………………..

The end of the world seemed to be all anyone talked about the next day at school. No one was really buying into it, not yet anyway, but it was still the talk of the school. The conspiracy theories started up again and some were even more creative than the day before.

“Hey, did you hear about the end of the world thing?”.

“Yeah, I heard that the earth’s collapsing underneath us or something”.

“I heard that there was a gamma ray blast and we’re all slowly dying”.

“I head that there’s an asteroid on course and it’s gonna crash into us”.

“I’m pretty sure that aliens are gonna invade or something”.

Of course, some were more believable than others. The alien invasion theory was probably less likely but somehow still increasingly popular. A few people were starting up bets. Bets for things like how long they’d have left or how many girls they were gonna fuck before they died. Stupid things that people usually did when they weren’t believing that their life was in danger. That’s what seemed to happen anyway. It was like with the Mayan 2012 thing, no one really believed it and it all became a big joke. That’s what this was to the people of their high school. A big joke.

…………………….

People were still keeping a close eye on the news, even if they didn’t think they were. Even in the Alibi Room, Kevin would always change the channel to the news whenever it was on, just to see if there was any more information. There hadn’t been yet. It had already been three days and yet there wasn’t any new information. The talk was still going pretty strong, but if you don’t give people something to play with, they give up and move on.

Ian was spending the afternoon at Mickey’s the next time he decided to bring it up. Every time he’d tried to mention it to someone they’d thought it was all a big joke. He figured that Mickey would think that too, but maybe he just needed the reassurance.

“Hey Mick?” he asked, they were sitting next to each other on Mickey’s couch, going through a few beers and watching some shitty movie on TV. Mandy was out with Lip so it was just the two of them.

“Yeah?”.

“What do you think? About all this end of the world stuff?” he asked.

Mickey shrugged and was quiet for a minute, as if he was thinking. “It’s probably just bullshit” he said finally. “Why, you buying into it, Gallagher?” he smirked, looking at Ian out of the corner of his eye.

“Nah, just thought I’d ask”.

“If you need someone to protect you, let me know yeah” Mickey laughed.

“Fuck off” Ian pushed him slightly, only causing him to laugh harder.

………………………….

A week passed and the talk was finally starting to officially die down when they got some new insight into what the fuck was going on. What they found out didn’t seem to leave much room for doubt and people were starting to question whether it really was a joke. When you give something plausibility like that, when you give people a reason to start believing it, they usually will. Or they’ll question it. They’ll start questioning it until they start to believe it and then it’s all downhill from there. People did what they always did when their life was threatened. In a lot of ways it was like one of those disaster movies, people started dealing. Some people turned crazily to religion and started preaching, anything to make it seem like they still had some sort of control over their lives and what was happening. The ‘the end is neigh’ signs started popping up in random places. And people started their slow decent into panicking.  The Gallagher kids had just gotten back from school when Fiona called them all into the living room, her eyes were glued to the TV screen in slight horror. They all read the headline with widening eyes.

 _“Scientists Believe Volcanic Activity Could Escalate to Disaster”_.

They turned their attention to the newsreader as she began to speak.

_“The expert volcanologists that have been studying the recent increase in volcanic activity in Yellowstone National Park have issued a warning to people in the area. Residents are advised to slowly evacuate the area with their belongings and loved ones as the activity does not seem to be changing or calming at any time in the near future. There is the fear that this could become a national state of emergency if this was to escalate any further but people are advised to stay calm and continue with their lives as this is only a precaution. We will keep you updated as we gain more information”._

The Gallaghers were silent for a long moment after the newsreader stopped talking. She moved onto another topic, some trivial things that teenagers were doing and then posting on the internet but they weren’t paying attention.

“Wyoming’s a twenty hour drive from here” Jimmy said finally. “There’s nothing to worry about”.

“It’s only a precaution” Lip added. The comment was aimed at Debbie who’d seemed to stiffen throughout the broadcast and hadn’t moved an inch since she’d sat down.

“It’s gonna be fine, Debs” Fiona put a gentle hand on her sister’s shoulder. “Nothing to worry about”.

……………………..

From then on tensions seemed to only increase in the Gallagher household. Fights were more common and Debbie was sometimes being considerably adamant about them creating an emergency escape plan. Most of them tried to reassure her that everything would be fine but once you set a spark a fire rages. Ian was sitting with Mandy and Lip under the bridge the next time the issue was spoken about. There hadn’t been any new information except that the activity hadn’t died down. Naturally people were starting to panic and the south side was slowly becoming a bit of a spectacle.

“What do you guys think?” Mandy asked them, putting her beer bottle down and taking the joint from Lip’s outstretched hand.

“I dunno” Lip shrugged “it’s probably nothing”.

“Do you think that it’s a government conspiracy or some shit?” Mandy smirked.

“Where did you hear that?” Ian laughed.

“Some kids at school have started a group. They reckon it’s all a big conspiracy and they’re gonna work to find out how”.

“People at our school would” Lip rolled his eyes, taking the joint back.

“You know, I’m kinda worried that it’s actually happening” Ian admitted. If he was going to tell that to anyone it was going to be Lip and Mandy when he was a little bit high.

Lip shrugged in response, shoving his brother playfully. “It’ll be nothing, you’ll see”.

Mandy nodded in agreement, “don’t even worry about it”.

Ian nodded distractedly; maybe Debbie’s increased anxiety was starting to get to him. When he returned home with Lip that night Debbie was given Fiona another one of her speeches about how they should be planning their survival. Sometimes Ian thought that his sister could have been an actress, she definitely had the dramatics down. Fiona continued to half ignore her, focusing on cooking dinner for the rest of them.

“Debs” she sighed “I’m a little busy right now do you think we could continue this later?” she asked politely.

“I just think we should be planning for the worst” Debbie replied, arms crossed over her chest defiantly.

“And you’ve made your point very clear now give me time to consider your argument”.

Debbie sighed exaggeratedly and made her way up to her bedroom.

“She’s really into this” Lip remarked from his position in the doorway with Ian.

“If only she was this into something else” Fiona rolled her eyes slightly.

“Like drugs and sex” Ian smirked, ducking as Fiona threw a piece of carrot at him.

…………………….

Ian got up early the next morning. It wasn’t that he was jumpy … ok maybe he was a little jumpy, but he needed some time to himself. He made his way down to the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge, a little shocked at his choice of beverage for this early. It wasn’t even seven yet. It didn’t take long before he wasn’t alone anymore. Fiona had made her way down the kitchen as well, seemingly more tired than usual.

“Can’t sleep?” Ian asked, swirling what was left of his beer. It was something he’d picked up from spending too much time with Mickey.

“Debbie’s getting to me” she sat down across from him.

“You should be proud of her, she’s incredibly strong minded” Ian smirked.

“She is, and she’s finally breaking me down. I might even give in to her emergency plan thing”.

“Do you really think it’s gonna happen?” Ian asked, staring at the beer bottle he’d placed in front of him.

Fiona looked across at her brother, she didn’t usually see him like this anymore, like a sort of defenseless kid. “I dunno, maybe” she admitted. “If it does blow though, we’ll all die instantly so it doesn’t really matter does it?”.

“I don’t think I like living with all these ‘maybes’” Ian tapped his fingers against the table.

“None of us do really” Fiona muttered.

They were interrupted by the sound of footsteps down the stairs and Fiona turned around to see Jimmy coming down.

“Didn’t know where you went” he shrugged. “You okay?” his eyes flicked between her and Ian.

“We’re just chatting, long night” Fiona smiled.

“Breakfast run?” Jimmy indicated the door.

“Have fun” Fiona smirked, waving at him as he made his way to the door.

Jimmy doubled back and kissed her quickly, “the things I do for you” he smiled as he left.

“Love you too” Fiona called after him.

Ian shifted, slightly uncomfortable with the change of atmosphere. A small part of his brain started thinking about Mickey.

“You alright?” Fiona asked.

“Fine” Ian looked up at her quickly, “like you said, Debbie’s getting to us”.

…………………….

Ian spent the next few days spending as much time with Mickey as possible and he was kind of surprised that he hadn’t pissed the other boy off yet. Each time he turned up at his door step Ian figured he’d get the door slammed in his face but Mickey just rolled his eyes and held the door open enough so that Ian could enter before his eyes frantically scanned the immediate area and shut it again. And if it annoyed Mickey then he didn’t say anything against it. Just let Ian in and let him fuck him if he wanted to. And some part of Ian decided that that meant that Mickey cared about him, which was all he really wanted in those moments.

“Alright Gallagher” Mickey sighed. It was the afternoon and they were in his bedroom. He was sitting across the bed from Ian who’d taken to reading one of the few books that Mickey actually owned. It was the fourth day in a row that Ian had been here and Mickey wasn’t stupid, he knew that something was up with the kid. He could tell in the way he avoided his eyes when he turned up on his doorstep and the way he would hold Mickey’s hand a little tighter than usual when he fucked him. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing’s wrong?” Ian shrugged. He was doing that thing where he stared at the book in his hands and tried to make Mickey believe he was actually reading it and not avoiding his eyes.

“I’m not fucking stupid” Mickey scoffed.

Ian stayed quiet for a second before closing the book in his hands and putting it off to the side, clasping his hands together instead just for something to do with them. “Would you miss me, Mick?” he asked seriously “if I died or something?”.

Mickey coughed slightly, unsuccessfully trying to hide the fact that he was laughing at the question. “Died? You’re not really buying into that shit are ya?”.

Ian shrugged, ducking his head and rubbing the back of his neck absently. “I dunno” Ian he muttered “it seems pretty likely”.

“We’re not all gonna die, Gallagher” Mickey rolled his eyes slightly.

“Well, the scientists and whatever don’t know what the fuck is going on so it’s probably gonna happen”.

“You worry too much” Mickey smirked, what could be considered, fondly.

“I’m just saying that it’s a plausible theory” Ian defended.

“You’re really hyped up over this”.

“Debbie’s kinda getting to all of us I guess” Ian shrugged.

“That why you’ve been hanging around here so much?”.

“If you don’t want me around, Mick, you can just say …”.

“I didn’t say I didn’t want you around, I’m just saying that I’ve seen a lot of you lately. I haven’t seen this much of since I quit the Cash N’ Grab” Mickey backtracked.

“Would you miss me, though?” Ian asked again, looking directly at Mickey this time.

Mickey smirked, “I dunno Gallagher, you’re a pretty good fuck…”.

“Mick!”.

“Yeah” Mickey shrugged “I’d probably miss ya”.

Ian went quiet.

“Just don’t go and die on me or anything then” Mickey reached for his lighter and lit the cigarette in his mouth, tossing one over to Ian.

…………………….


	2. I Never Knew Daylight Could Be So Violent?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With increasing anxiety as the apocalyptic threat doesn't disappear tensions start to run a little high among the Gallagher family. Humanity is thrown into insanity as the fact of death slowly plays in everyone's minds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was such a shit chapter summary but honestly prepare to cry as this story breaks your heart and then stomps on the pieces.  
> This chapter's title is from No Light, No Light by Florence + The Machine.  
> See you on the other side.

_“The volcanologists have now confirmed that the volcano known as Yellowstone Caldera in Wyoming is showing a level of activity that could be considered dangerous. The government have issued a state of emergency for the surrounding areas and have asked that residents leave as quickly as possible and try to remain calm as more information is gathered. As always, we will keep you updated on any changes”._

 

With the new information that the end of was most likely neigh, Debbie had reached a level of panic and anxiety that was almost unknown to the Gallaghers. They all tried reassuring her but she didn’t seem able to calm down. The best they could do was assure her that they’ll start working on their escape plan as it had now become a priority. As such, family meetings started to be called in which they would all offer ideas on the best way to survive, because that’s what Gallagher’s always seemed to do: survive.

 

They would all gather around the coffee table in the living room and pass ideas back and forth. Most of the time they’d just let Debbie talk because she seemed to have already practically planned it all by herself. They only really added small things that had escaped her attention. The thing they argued most over was what they would take with them in the event of a quick escape. Obviously the most important thing was to take as little as possible and keep it down to the essentials, this was becoming a problem for Carl because he couldn’t seem to narrow it down to what was most essential to survival.

 

“I think we should include Kevin and Vee in this” Lip said one session.

 

Fiona nodded in agreement, “I’ll let them know to come over next time we do this”.

 

“They have to be included, we can’t go anywhere without them” Debbie added, making a few notes on the notepad that she’d begun carrying almost everywhere. “Anyone else we should include?” she added as an afterthought.

 

Ian looked down at his hands resting on the table in an attempt to avoid the way Lip was staring at him.

He wasn’t going to say anything and that was his way of telling Lip not to either.

 

“What about Mandy?” Debbie looked at Lip.

 

“I’m pretty sure Mandy can handle herself” Lip didn’t take his eyes off his brother, “she has her brother to protect her”.

 

Ian’s eyes snapped up and locked with Lip’s. ‘You fucking bitch’ his eyes said. 

 

Lip just raised his eyebrows slightly in response. “We should probably keep the people involved to the completely essential” he looked back at Debbie.

 

Ian shifted uncomfortably and hoped that no one noticed. He didn’t think anyone really knew about him and Mickey aside from Lip who found it out for himself, and maybe Mandy but she never mentioned it.

 

“Mandy’s your girlfriend though” Ian kept his eyes on Lip.

 

Lip just shrugged in response, “she can handle herself, she’ll be fine. This is all theoretical anyway”.

 

“I think it’s more than theoretical” Debbie defended.

 

“Alright Gallagher’s, focus” Fiona cut in, “what have you got down, Debs?”.

 

Amongst all of that they were still trying their best to live their lives as normally as they could. Jimmy still brought them breakfast most mornings, Fiona still went to work, leaving Liam with Jimmy, and the kids went to school most days. If they weren’t at school Lip was usually with Mandy under the bridge, sometimes Ian would show up as well and sometimes he’d even wrangle Mickey into coming. And it’d be the four of them sitting around drinking beer and getting high, business as usual. Debbie still tried to hang around with her friends, though it was becoming a hassle as she often annoyed them to the point where they kicked her out. Carl had decided he’d attempt to blow as much shit up as possible without being noticed. It wasn’t unusual for people to blow shit up these days, with all the end of the world talk people were doing as many random, sometimes drastic things as possible. So he’d started doing small things at first, only risking it when he knew there was no way he’d get caught. Kevin was still working at the Alibi Room and business was sometimes better than usual with all the people seemingly accepting their apparent descent into premature deaths. He and Vee would drop by after work and share a few beers with Fiona and Jimmy and share some of the crazy shit they heard at the bar that day. It was all relatively normal, for them at least.

……………………. 

_“Volcanologists have now confirmed that the volcanic activity has increased to a point where there is now no doubt that there will be a state of emergency and that it will erupt. They have not given a date and it is believed that there they are unsure of when this will happen. The president has issued a national state of emergency. Residents are advised to stay calm and we will update when we have more information”_

The thing about human beings is that there were two ways to respond to a situation. You either panic or you stay calm. When something of this scale happens, something most people were having trouble believing and that most have thought wouldn’t happen, it was insanity. There was mass panic as the news started to settle in, that the end of world could happen at any minute. And people tried to cope in their own ways. Some would become completely introverted and would retreat inside themselves, some decided that it was their duty to warn others of the danger and some people even turned to religion. The church was becoming increasingly popular for some reason while people decided that they needed to repent and confess their sins.

 

The Gallaghers hadn’t done any of those things, not really. Aside from Debbie’s apparent anxiety and the way Ian had become increasingly jumpy everything was completely normal. Ian had taken to slowly taking a gun from the draw in Mickey’s room every day or two. He’d only take one or maybe two and even though he knew that Mickey noticed, he didn’t say anything.

 

“Protecting yourself, Gallagher?” he’d asked one day, smirking around the cigarette in his mouth.

 

Ian had just shrugged and muttered something about “preparing for the worst” and “maybe it would make Debbie less anxious”.

Mickey had pretended that Ian’s sudden jumpiness didn’t bother him, he figured it was normal in the situation they were in. Sometimes he thought that maybe he was underreacting. That maybe he should be more jumpy if not as jumpy as Ian. He found his thoughts straying to the idea of death sometimes and wondered why it didn’t really bother him too much. He wasn’t sure if he had much to live for... Besides Ian.

 

_“North Korea has issued a threat stating that they will bomb the country if the volcano situation isn’t under control in a week. The president has offered peace talks to address the situation and assures that everything will be handled accordingly. We’ll update you on the progress of the talks”._

Ian was starting to consider that mass insanity would destroy the human race. It wouldn’t be anything physical or natural or even technological, it would just be mass insanity. Everyone would be driven totally insane due to the idea that they could all die at any moment, and that in turn would basically kill everyone before anything else had the chance. He tried to remain as calm as possible, trying to force his mental state into the calm aloofness that Mickey always seemed to project. Though it was hard when he had to live with Debbie. She’d decided now that there was going to be a nuclear war. Due to the recent accusations of North Korea’s intent to bomb the country she’d seem to turn into a human rights warrior. Part of Ian decided that warriors are what they’re going to need if their situation was going to escalate any further. And he was sure it would.

 

“I don’t think they’ll actually bomb us, it’s all just talk. It’s always just talk” Mandy told him one day as they were under the bridge. Lip was helping Fiona in her constant attempt to calm Debbie so it was just him, Mandy and Mickey.

 

“Yeah” Ian agreed, “it’s not like it’s the first time they’ve threatened to bomb us”.

 

“It’s the first time they have an actual reason to” Mandy mused.

 

“I guess” Ian shrugged.

 

“They’re fucking cowards” Mickey said quietly, “they won’t do it”.

 

“We’re probably gonna die either way” Mandy shrugged in response.

 

Ian stiffened slightly but he could feel Mickey’s hand against his hip, he looked over at the other boy in question.

 

“Ian, you’re so uptight” Mandy laughed before Mickey could say anything. “Have a fucking joint or something”.

 

Ian rolled his eyes slightly and took the joint from Mandy’s outstretched hand.

……………………………. 

_“The president assures that the peace talks are going well and that the North Korean threat will be abolished within the week”._

 

“See Debs?” Lip looked over at his little sister. “Nothing to worry about”.

 

“They could always threaten again” Debbie shrugged.

 

“Yeah well, then we’ll just be in the same place we are now. We’re not getting bombed”.

 

“Maybe not by North Korea, I wonder who’s gonna be the next one to threaten us” she stared blankly at the TV screen.

 

“Shit, Debs. You’re really worried about this” Ian muttered.

 

Debbie just glared at him so he stayed silent for the rest of the news broadcast. He looked across at Lip who just rolled his eyes at their sister’s actions. And Mickey thought he was uptight, Ian thought. He should’ve seen Debbie, even on a good day. And a good day was when she wasn’t trying to convince them all they were going to die. A good day was when she would take her built up panic, frustration and fear on something else. Like an art project or something. Though lately, Debbie’s art had been incredibly surrealist, it would have made some artists proud …. Or terrified, maybe even both.

………………. 

Realistically there was no surprise in the fact that over the next few days some crazy shit happened. There was always something crazy happening on the south side but this time it was escalated. That’s what people did when they were under pressure, they reacted in certain ways and sometimes there reactions were pretty extreme. It wasn’t unusual for some crazy bastard to set fire to a building and for people to be preaching on street corners about how you were going to die. For this reason, the Gallaghers started avoiding places where buildings were likely to catch fire and where people were preaching. No one wanted to deal with people telling you that you were going to die. Especially if they were crazy ass religious people who would yell how you were going to hell. Those were the people that you wanted to avoid at all costs. Naturally this was because people were going slowly insane, which was why Ian’s mass insanity idea was becoming increasingly popular within the Gallagher house. They didn’t really take it as a joke, more as an ideal, a way that things would turn out. An actual, plausible theory. It had reached the point that people were losing hope, and without hope people are dangerous not only to themselves but to other people as well. Their view of the world had been turned so cruelly upside down that they weren’t able to make sense of things anymore. They needed something to calm their ever increasing nerves.

_“The president has confirmed that peace talks with North Korea have been successful. He reassures the population that North Korea has discounted any threat to bomb the country”._

 

Though that had never really been the main threat. It was just something on the side that most people would disregard anyway. So that small bit of information didn’t have its desired effect. People weren’t calming down any more than they had been before. There was still sheer panic and mass hysteria. On a nationwide scale there’d even been some random, sort of minor outbreaks of what could be considered civil wars. Kinda like the whole Hatfield-McCoy thing back in the day, less justified though. People were just getting on each other’s nerves and it was one of those times that it was kinda insane to live in a country where everyone owned a gun without consequences. So deaths were becoming a thing, suicide rates were at an all-time high as well, though really that wasn’t unusual at a time like this. People just couldn’t cope in times of crisis. And when people couldn’t cope things got dangerous.

No one really remembered clearly what the fuck had happened that day. It was probably one of those crazy bastards that set fire to buildings, except the scale of it this time was a little larger. Like a whole city larger, well part of it anyway. It was just one of those things that happened. It had happened in other places too, other towns, though they were usually much smaller. The likelihood of it happening on this scale was something that a lot of people hadn’t thought about or planned for. So a lot of people lost their lives that day. The Gallaghers had been lucky that day, they’d all been home for god knows why. And if Debbie hadn’t been so panicked and forced them into making that emergency plan maybe they wouldn’t have survived either. But that was one thing that the Gallaghers were good at: surviving.

 

Fiona managed to usher everyone downstairs first, they grabbed what they’d packed, what they’d designated as the essentials and Jimmy ushered them out of the house, pushing Fiona out with him. Once she’d made sure that everyone was safe, Fiona bolted next door to make sure Kevin and Vee were coming with. Ian realized that this was the only chance he had if he wanted to make a break for it. He tried to bolt but Lip grabbed his arm.

 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Lip kept his grip.

 

“Mandy’s your girlfriend” Ian muttered “you can come with me”.

 

Lip’s eyes softened slightly but he still shook his head. “We have to stay here” he said “as a group, stick with the plan”.

 

“Five minutes, I just need five minutes” Ian was practically begging now, something he’d never thought he’d have to do with Lip.

 

His brother just shook his head again.

 

Ian dropped his arm to his side heavily. He looked defeated, the fight now drained out of him. The altercation had caught Debbie’s attention and she asked him if he was okay. Ian just smiled faintly in response, “I’m fine, Debs” he replied.

 

Debbie looked over her shoulder again, Fiona was just coming out of the doorway with Kevin and Vee behind her. “You could run” she said weakly. “Right now, you could run”.

 

“Debs, don’t” Lip muttered.

 

“You want to go and get someone, you could ask Fiona, she’ll understand”.

 

“Debs … It’s more complicated than that” Ian smiled sadly. Sometimes he forgot how touched he was by his sister’s small, compassionate mostly selfless actions.

 

“Fiona!” Debbie called to her sister.

 

“Debs, don’t” Lip and Ian said in unison.

 

“Ian wants to go get someone” she continued, ignoring them both.

 

Fiona looked at Ian, who seemed to shrink under her gaze.

 

“It’s fine, really” Ian insisted.

 

Fiona didn’t buy it. “Ten minutes” she said, “then we’re all going”.

 

“I wanted to see if Mandy was ok” Ian backtracked.

 

Lip scoffed slightly.

 

“She’s your girlfriend” Ian continued, turning to Lip. “Don’t you wanna know if she’s alive at least?”.

 

“Ten minutes” Fiona repeated, “come on”.

 

The Milkovich house was on one of the streets that was the most affected by the fire. It hadn’t collapsed yet or anything but you could tell that it was going to eventually. Ian didn’t waste any time, he bolted into the house. He considered calling out Mickey’s name, or Mandy’s but when he got in that house and there was no one in sight he knew it was a lost cause. He felt all of the energy drain out of his body. He moved as if he was on autopilot, even though he knew there was nothing to find there. He felt someone grab him by the shoulders and shake him slightly.

 

“Ian” he heard someone say his name. He was shaking slightly and slowly realized that it was Lip.

 

“Ian”. Yeah that was definitely Lip. “Ian, Mickey’s not here”.

 

The sound of Mickey’s name brought Ian back to reality. He grabbed on Lip’s arms for a moment and try to control his breathing.

 

“He probably got out” Lip continued. “You know Mickey, he probably got Mandy and fucked off”.

 

Ian nodded mutely. “Yeah” he muttered, “you’re right”. He saw Debbie turn the corner and look at him, confusion and worry distorting her features.

 

“We should go” Lip continued. “It doesn’t help you being here”.

 

Ian nodded again and allowed Lip to drag him out of the house. He wasn’t really sure he expected. He wasn’t sure if he’d expected Mickey to be here or to be just in the process of leaving. He didn’t know if he’d expected to talk Mickey into coming with him, basically running away with him. He could feel Lip’s hand on his shoulder but it was almost like it wasn’t really there. He felt like he was floating through time. It was like he’d lost a part of himself and he wasn’t sure if he would ever get it back.

 

“Ian?” Debbie’s voice broke through his little cloud of despair.

 

“I’m fine, Debs” he insisted.

 

“We should go” Debbie put her hand on her brother’s arm briefly. She wondered if he’d ever be ok again. He looked like he’d lost a part of himself.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We heart hurts and I hope yours does too. 
> 
> I know this was almost exactly a week after the first chapter but the next few weeks will be a little crazy for me so I'm not sure if I'll be able to post the next few on time, but I'll try my best. I'm having some trouble writing the fourth chapter let alone the fifth so we'll see how that goes. Thanks for sticking with this, friends :)


	3. And The Walls Kept Tumbling Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No summary because I literally suck at summaries. I'm actually the worst and I almost forgot to post this chapter, oh gosh. I'm sorry it's so short, that's just how it turned out. But here you go, friends. I hope you enjoy it!

The Gallagher’s were making do. Since there was no way of really knowing what was going on anymore, no news to watch every night they were aware that they could die at any moment. And it was a topic that came up in conversation, but none of them really feared death anymore. At least, not an instantaneous death that they wouldn’t even realised happened. They feared losing each, but if they all went at the same time then there wasn’t anything to fear, they thought, at least they’d still be together. But they had to all keep moving, because everyone in Chicago fled at roughly the same time they were running into a lot of faces they recognised. People that they went to school with, people that Lip had done tests for, people that had sold them joints, people from the Alibi Room. Lots of people that they had known in their life that weren’t as important anymore, and none of them were the people that Ian wanted to see. They had to move away from Chicago and all the people they had once known. Once everyone’s supplies were low they knew fights would break out, and they didn’t want to be there to experience them. At least, not yet. Those kinds of things were inevitable, but they could avoid them for the moment. 

 

The first month had seemed to be the hardest for them all. They were all still dealing with everything that had happened and on top of that they were trying to adjust to life outside Chicago. For a family that were so used to being in close proximity to each other (spare for Kevin and Vee) they were having a lot of trouble adjusting to the circumstances that were presented to them. There was a lot of little fights, a lot of butting heads as everyone tried to deal with everything in their own way. Everyone was under a lot of stress, and that was clearly showing as well.

 

About halfway through the third week in that first month Lip ran out of cigarettes and went through some kind of crazy moodiness that they guessed could all be connected to some kind of withdrawal. It could be pretty hilarious at times, but most of the time it was just kind of frustrating, which caused more little fights between them all. Ian had become distant in a way that was causing trouble, especially for Fiona because she was worried and couldn’t do anything about it. He wouldn’t talk much, not like he used to, spare a few conversations with Debbie from time to time. She was the only one who he seemed to willing have a conversation with, and she was the only person who could get him to say more than a few brief, muttered responses. She never said what they talked about though, she didn’t even tell Fiona. Which, of course made Fiona worry all the more.

 

Debbie came to sit next to her brother. Ian was leaning against the tree behind him, staring down at his hands, twisting and untwisting them. She didn’t say anything, just sat quietly next to him for a while, watching him silently. She wasn’t really sure why she was the only one he’d talk to. She’d always thought that Ian had always been the closest to Lip, but lately Lip had hardly been able to look at him. They couldn’t hold a conversation, not since they’d left Chicago. Debbie thought that that was pretty worrying within itself, but she wasn’t going to ask why. Not yet anyway. She already had her question for today. She’s started asking him questions, sometimes just little, unimportant questions but not today. She’d been sitting there next to him for a good ten minutes before she spoke.

 

“It wasn’t Mandy that you were going back for was it?” she asked, looking at the way Ian stiffened slightly, his hands freezing so that he was no longer twisting them.

 

“Debs …” he sighed. “I don’t wanna talk about it”.

 

“I know” she replied, a small smile on her lips. “But you’ll have to tell someone eventually, and the way you’ve been going it’ll probably be me”.

 

Ian leaned back against the tree, resting his head against the bark for a moment before dropping it into his hands. He ran his fingers through his hair and pulled at the ends, almost like he wished he could pull it out. Debbie waited. “No” he said finally, barely above a whisper, “it wasn’t Mandy,  _ just _ Mandy”.

 

Debbie nodded, taking in the new information. She shuffled closer to Ian slightly, leaning her head against his shoulder. “ _ Just  _ Mandy” Debbie repeated, “There was someone else”.

 

Ian slung his arm around Debbie automatically, pulling her slightly closer without even realizing. “Yeah” he sighed, “There was someone else”.

 

Debbie lifted her head off Ian’s shoulder so that she could look at him. She silently noted the tears stinging behind his eyes, the bags under them. He looked sort of older, not really by age but by experience. Like what had happened had tired him out so much he’d aged five years. She thought for a minute and silently put the pieces together in her head. She knew Ian was gay, had known for what felt like a really long time. So it didn’t take her as long as people would think. “Was it Mickey?” she asked quietly, almost hesitantly. As if she was afraid of what Ian would do or say.

 

Ian’s breath caught and he didn’t seem to breathe again for about thirty seconds. He ran his free hand through his hair again and over his face, rubbing at his eyes. He looked down at his little sister and realized he’d forgotten how smart she was. How she could just  _ know  _ things. He nodded. She offered him a sympathetic smile.

 

“It’s ok. I won’t tell anyone”.

 

“Thanks Debs”.

 

“But I think that you should tell Fiona, she really stresses over worrying about you” she shrugged.

 

“Yeah. Eventually”.

 

………………………………

 

Carl had somehow managed to convince Ian to teach him how to shoot by the end of the month, much to Fiona’s unease. To their surprise though, he didn’t end up killing anyone. He actually had pretty good aim. Even better aim than some of the guys at ROTC, according to Ian. Lip hadn’t needed teaching, he just sort of knew what to do. And no one was surprised when Jimmy knew how to shoot, his aim as good as Carl’s was. Kevin was the only one who was pretty uneasy with a gun. He could shoot … eventually and he had good enough aim, he just didn’t really like the idea of carrying a gun with him. Not really. But he wanted to protect his family, so that seemed to be the only motivation he needed into giving in.

They’d run into people now or again who wouldn’t be the nicest. It usually ended with a few bloody noses, a black eye or two and the Gallaghers had a new set of weapons. And a refill for the food stash. It didn’t end so well for the other guys. They never killed anyone though, they weren’t that ruthless. Well, they were ruthless in protecting each other, but they wouldn’t kill people. Fiona was adamant about that. They stuck together, all of them making sure that no one got hurt. They had each other’s backs and that’s what mattered.

 

………………………………

 

It was halfway through the second month since Chicago that Ian willed up the courage to tell Fiona about Mickey. He’d pretty much remained silent, more silent than he used to be at least. He only spoke when he had something incredibly important to say, or if he felt that he had to. Other than that though, he stayed quiet and let the others do the talking, it seemed better that way. He still couldn’t hold a conversation with Lip as long as he used to, but they were getting there.

 

Ian waited up for everyone else to fall asleep that night. He knew Fiona had trouble sleeping in times of high anxiety or stress, and now was definitely one of those times, so he knew that Fiona would be the only one wake. He wanted it that way, not really wanting everyone to know that he and Mickey used to be … together, sort of at least. Fiona was sitting next to the small campfire they had burning most nights, it was getting closer to winter which meant that it was started to freeze over a little, and Ian went to sit next to her silently.

 

“You finally gonna talk to me?” Fiona asked after a few minutes.

 

“I have my reasons for keeping silent” Ian replied.

 

“I know”.

 

“Only Debbie and Lip know what I’m about to tell you” Ian looked at his sister.

 

“This why Lip’s had trouble looking at you since Chicago?” Fiona poked at the fire with a stick absently.

 

“I guess you could say that” Ian shrugged.

 

Fiona looked over at her brother. She wanted to know how she’d missed it. How she’d miss her little brother growing up. She sort of guessed it was because she was so distracted with so many other kids in the house and with Jimmy that she’s fallen a little behind with Ian. He’d always been content enough on his own anyway, always quiet and thoughtful. She didn’t think she’d ever forgive herself.

 

“It wasn’t Mandy that I was going back for that day” Ian started. He was staring into the fire like it held all of the answers to life’s question, like he was reliving the day. “I mean, it  _ was  _ for Mandy but it wasn’t  _ just  _ for Mandy” Ian continued. He sighed, ran a hand through his hair and looked over at Fiona. He hadn’t really figured out how he was going to phrase this, or if it was going to piss her off.

 

“Not  _ just  _ Mandy?” Fiona prompted.

 

Ian sighed again, better just come out (no pun intended) and say it. “I’ve been fucking Mickey” Ian said quietly.

 

“What? Mickey  _ Milkovich _ ?” Fiona asked.

“Yes. It’s been – it had been – like a year and a half I guess” Ian shrugged.

 

Fiona just looked slightly dumbstruck, as if he’d just told her that he’d murdered someone.

 

“Fiona, it’s more than just fucking though” Ian moved his hand, trying to convey what she couldn’t see. 

“I love him” he looked passed her, at a bird flying through the trees ahead of him.

 

“Oh Ian” Fiona muttered. “How did I miss this?”.

 

“It’s not your fault, you were busy”.

 

“No, no, I should have seen  _ this  _ though”.

 

“Are you mad?” Ian looked at her.

 

“Why would I be mad?”.

 

Ian shrugged, “you’ve never really liked the Milkovichs. You barely tolerated Mandy”.

 

“Mandy’s your best friend, and Lip’s girlfriend, and she looked out for the two of you. It was her only redeeming quality” Fiona replied.

 

“I never – I didn’t really think any of this would happen. It was … unexpected” Ian swallowed.

 

Fiona nodded, pulled him into a tight hug.

 

“I just wish he was here, you know?” he muttered into her shoulder.

 

“Yeah. I know”.

 

“I didn’t get to say goodbye or anything, I’ll probably never see him again”.

 

“I know”.

 

Ian had almost forgotten how comforting Fiona could be. He hadn’t meant to, he just didn’t let himself see it anymore. He’d drawn so far into himself that he’d almost forgotten how important the people around him were. And not just Mickey. So he decided that maybe he could try and will himself into focusing on the people he was with right now. He didn’t want to forget Mickey, but maybe he needed to wake up a little, maybe he just needed to focus on something that wasn’t him for a while. He’d always wanted to be a soldier. He just needed to lock into that part of himself again.

  
………………………………

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this next chapter will probably be up in two weeks and not one week because firstly Christmas is annoying and in the way and secondly I'm going away for a week following it. Also I haven't finished writing it yet, oops.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my god I miss Ian and Mickey so much. Anyways, I thought that was a nice way to end that chapter. I'll post the next one in a few days - a week :)
> 
> Comments, kudos etc. are appreciated, my friends.


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